So, here we go.
I haven’t made a really personal blog post on here for a while, and I wanted to get back to the roots of this blog by sharing an intimate update on my life.
If you don’t know, I have suffered from an eating disorder in the past. I’m not going to go into details because that is not what this blog post is about, but I have plenty of other posts that go more in depth.
I wanted to let y’all know where I am currently with all of that.
I think I’ve come to a point where I have grown tired of hating myself every minute of every day. It is absolutely exhausting having an eating disorder and worrying about how much I ate and if I exercised enough. I’m in a moment in my life where I just want to focus on having fun and living my life. I don’t want to worry about calories or the number on the scale.
I’ve suddenly found this small confidence in myself.
I’ve always been insecure I think. That sounds really sad, but it’s the honest truth. I was never the type of person to verbally tell others how insecure I was or how I hated myself. I thought that would seem like I was fishing for compliments, and I definitely wasn’t. I kept these thoughts and comments to myself. My mind the entire day would be “I’m so ugly”, “My thighs are too big”, “I hate my body”.
Lately, when I get ready every morning and look in the mirror I say “Damn, I look cute”, or even if I’m not really feeling my best that day I’d say “I just don’t care”.
I have this small confidence where I’m like: I’M CUTE!!!!!!
I take pictures with friends and when I look at the photos I’m like “Wow, I look so good”. It’s not being cocky or arrogant or anything. It’s just me, a girl with past struggles, trying to come out on the other side a happier and more confident person. Saying these affirmations out loud helps me truly feel it and believe it.
On days I’m not feeling the absolute best, I do try to find something to wear that makes me feel a little good, but then I just don’t care. I don’t care what other people think. I go out and I’m like “Well this is me. If people want to judge, then whatever. I’m just me.”
I do want to eventually start working out and eating better, but that’s a scary path to take. I want to take things slow and I will reach that time in my life eventually.
Overall, I’ve been doing better and actually starting to like my body. It’s baby steps but it is progress. I’m proud of myself and everything I’ve accomplished. There’s still a long road but I am making it through.