It’s National Eating Disorder Awareness Week and I wanted to come on here and post something for y’all. I have been super open about my struggles with anorexia in the past and I am always here to shed light on the subject and start a conversation.
My Eating Disorder Blog Post: https://kimmyvilla.com/2018/08/08/my-eating-disorder/
I’m personally at a point in my life where I feel stable with my mental state and eating habits. I am not recovered, and there is still a LONG road to loving my body, but I am at a good place. I try my best to not think much about my appearance, weight, etc. I know that if I put too much thought into it, I can fall off track.
I’m here to let you know that if you’re struggling, dude I’ve been there. It’s honestly one of the worst things I have ever gone through. It’s difficult because no one really understands unless they’ve been in it. It’s such a twisted and strange way of thinking when you’re in it, that logically people get confused by.
You can get through it and you can get better, even if right now you don’t want to. You know it’s bad for you, and that you should stop, but you also don’t want to. That part of your mind telling you to not stop is the eating disorder. Those are the unhealthy and negative thoughts that tear you down everyday.
My mind set from back then compared to now is insane to me. I remember having negative thought after negative thought about everything in life, not just my body. I was always in a bad mood. I was always hating on myself and other people in my mind. I would argue with my parents everyday because my mind was in such a bitter place.
I remember going on runs and telling myself that if I didn’t make it to that tree in the distance, or that light post over there, then I was a failure. I knew if I didn’t make it to that goal I set in my mind, then I’d think about it constantly for the next week and beat myself up over it.
Now, I go on runs and can stop whenever I want. I run as far as I want and I don’t set goals. I listen to my body and do as much as I want.
This is one thing I have taken note of and am shocked by the difference. When you’re in it, you don’t even really realize how negative and cruel you are to yourself. When you’re finally out of it, you can look back with clarity.
It’s insane to see all of the posts of people acknowledging their eating disorder or their past with it this week. I know it’s a common thing for people to go through and experience, but you never really understand until you see it.
If you don’t know, I am studying to become a therapist. I want to emphasize on depression and eating disorders in teens and young adults. I’ve been there and understand it. It sucks, it absolutely sucks and I never want anyone to go through it. I am so passionate about psychology because of this. I want to help others get through what I had to go through. It isn’t fun. It isn’t pretty. It isn’t worth it.
I love you to the moon and back. If you are dealing with an eating disorder, or think you might be, I am always free to talk. I will also list phone lines you can call to speak to someone about it.
Thank you for reading
National Eating Disorder Association (NEDA) Helpline, 1-800-931-2237
Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders (ANAD) Hotline, 1-630-577-1130
National Mental Health Association Helpline, 1-800-969-6642
Crisis Text Line (text “Home” to 741741):
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-8255
Mental Health America Crisis Line, 1-800-273-8255 It also offers a text crisis line, which can be reached by texting “MHA” to 741741.