How Much did I really change in 2018?

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New Years is here and it’s time to reflect on my 2018 and how much I actually grew and changed.

In the past, I have dedicated the new year to changing one specific thing about myself, but for 2018, I went into it without any goals in mind. I let the year happen to me and just waited to see how I would change.

Looking back, I don’t regret that decision because I did end up learning so much about myself.

Here are the things I’ve learned, how I have changed, and then the highlights of my 2018.

 

Trying Everything I Can

Especially over the summer I was able to delve into interests I had but put off for so long. I grew succulents, painted, journaled, made music, learned ukulele, and much more. I now have much more hobbies and interests than ever before. I hope to continue trying out new things and finding more fun things to do.

Love Rather Than Hate

This year I learned it’s so much healthier and makes me happier to love something at first rather than hate it. I’ve concentrated on things I’ve already disliked, and changed my opinion and mindset to a more loving one. This has opened me up to more experiences, hobbies, and interests.

Finding Something To Believe In

I never found a religion I related to and agreed with. I am a very rational person and have a scientific based mind set, so I never believed in any religion. This year, I learned about the Universe. I found the Universe showing me things and teaching me things. This is a belief I will continue to grow going into 2019. It’s exciting to finally find something I can believe in.

Surrounding Myself With Love

Currently, my room at home is the most “me” it has ever been in my entire life. I love the sky so much, hence all the stars and moons I love. This year I really surrounded myself in stars and moons. My room has more pink, stars, moons, and Disney items. I’ve surrounded myself with things I love this year and I will continue that in the new year.

 

Living My Life In Spite of Anxiety

As most of you probably do, I get anxiety. It isn’t terrible, but it’s something that has really taken over as of recently. I have gone out of my way to do things that scare me. I drove to LA for the first time by myself even though I almost broke down into tears. I went to two concerts by myself and even made friends. I explored so many places in Santa Barbara by myself. I did so much despite the anxiety and I couldn’t be more proud of myself.

 

Standing up for Myself

This is a big one. I always let people walk all over me. I’m always afraid of speaking up and standing up for myself because I don’t want to cause tension or hurt other people’s feelings. This year I took the steps to start standing up for myself when I’m being taken advantage of. If I’m uncomfortable, don’t agree with something, or am being used, I say something. This takes so much strength and is still difficult for me, but I’ve found that I have to do it. Afterwards, I’m so proud of myself. This is still a muscle I have to exercise in 2019, but I am proud to have taken steps to start doing this.

 

Strength and Hope

If you have been here for a bit, you will know that my cat Kashmir passed away on December 30th of 2017. This was the second female cat I had that died at a young age. I felt like it was God telling me I wasn’t supposed to have two cats. From these experiences, I was so terrified of adopting another female cat. Searching for a new cat, I found Star. She was a female Siamese kitten and I was afraid of her passing away but decided to adopt her anyways. She’s around 7 months now and she’s super active and seems healthy. All I can do is hope that she lives long and healthy.

 

Highlights

1) I got to dance and scream my heart out with my best friend and mom two nights in a row. The Reputation Stadium Tour and the Reputation era in general will always have a special place in my heart.

 

2) I met LANY?! I was so blessed to meet them, and then two weeks later, I got to see them perform for the first time ever two nights in a row. A dream.

 

3) I got my second cat and named her Star. She’s super hyper and actually likes playing with toys. I greatly appreciate.

 

4) I voted for the first time ever. I got to help bring change to the world. I didn’t think I’d feel anything from it, but I actually felt super empowered and happy from the experience.

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5) I got to go to Disneyland during Christmas for the first time in probably 10 years.

 

6) I went to Malibu and found where I am supposed to be. That feeling…. the most comforting in the world.

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