I pull the sleeves of my sweater over my hands as I walk carefully across the sand. I scan the beach and walk towards an empty spot, far from the crowds of people playing football and kids running after one another.
I seat myself on the sand and soak up the warmth it immediately radiates onto my legs. I pull out my phone for a moment to play LANY, only loud enough for me to hear and enjoy. I find comfort in the music.
I gaze off into the distance as the sun makes its final show. Slowly moving down the open sky like a melting ice cream.
I let the sand engulf my toes as I dig myself a little deeper into the sand. I look down at all of the little granules that make up the ground beneath me, appreciating every single one.
The cool breeze brushes my hair and sends a chill down my back. I pull the sleeves of my sweater down once again and hold myself.
There’s a girl, not much older than me, who sits a little off from where I am. She sits alone, watching the sun fade just as I am- and I don’t feel so alone.
My hands go into the sand for a brief moment, only to find a tiny soft sea shell. I turn it over in my palm, feeling it’s smooth edges and deciding to keep it as a memorabilia.
I look back up as the sun says goodbye. I snap a pic as it glistens above the water, before finally leaving view.
I sit there for a few minutes after, feeling everything around me. The calming sounds of LANY in the background mixed with the ocean waves crashing down, the warm sand, the cool breeze against my cheeks, the girl diagonal from me who stands to leave, the pink clouds that start to emerge high up in the sky. I take it all in and promise myself to never forget this moment.
This is where I’m meant to be.
That line grasps my mind and won’t let go.
A wave of comfort and contentment in that moment sitting in the sand washes over me and takes me with it.
I look around me at all of the people on the beach, tears start to well up in my eyes. I’ve known that I’ve wanted to live in LA for a while now, but being here and feeling it firsthand gives me a sense of security.
I take a deep breath, picking myself up off the ground, and walking back to the car, watching the clouds as I do.
On the drive home, I keep thinking about something Paul said once, “Seeing the moon shine down on the ocean in Malibu will change you. It’s beautiful”
In the passenger seat, I look up at the sky. Just above the mountain in the window, my eyes find the full moon shining down so bright against the dark night. I smiled and knew he’d be proud.
As I was writing this, LANY released a new song called Thick and Thin. I started crying.
Throughout the entire day in Malibu, I couldn’t get LANY out of my mind.