I just want to quickly address the fact that I’ve been posting every other week lately. I have been lacking inspiration in this specific creative outlet. I’ve been more inspired in regards to painting and writing songs. I’m not just going to post something to keep my weekly streak going. I’m only going to put out content that I’m proud of, and that really embodies who I am. My blog is about documenting my life, while also sharing it with you. This blog is 100% genuinely me.
Now let’s get into today’s content:
This past Saturday I went on a run for the first time in two weeks. Not too bad, right?
This was my second run during summer so far.
Around the end of my first year away for school, I took 3 months off from running.
Now that’s bad.
My friends know this about me, but you might not- I get really bad “period cramps” whenever I run. It’s not a stomach ache or a normal cramp you get when running- it feels exactly like a cramp you get while on your period. It’s low and intense pain.
I’ve had this ever since I started running on my own in junior high school. It was moderate back then and I was able to walk it off. I didn’t think it was a big deal, so I never told anyone about it.
As of late, it’s gotten so much worse. Over spring break, I went on a run at home and was on the floor in excruciating pain. My mom had to come and pick me up- I was only up the street.
I can tough out the pain most of the time, so when I ask for help, you know it’s bad.
I used to get really painful period cramps when on my actual period, until I started taking birth control about a year ago. The birth control has lessened the pain and made everything bearable.
I get my running cramps only when I run. Any other exercise I do- hiking, biking, walking, etc.- doesn’t cause this pain.
The last time I ran before going on my 3 month break, I was on a small trail in the middle of “nowhere”, lying on the dirt ground and crying into the phone with my mom on the line. I got so afraid of running and getting this pain again that I stopped running until I could go see my OBGYN doctor.
My OBGYN was unsure of what it could be because she had never heard of this situation before, so she had me do an ultrasound.
The next day I got the results back!
They found nothing abnormal.
Now, this is partly good for the fact that my insides are healthy and perfect, but bad because I have no answer to my pain.
For two weeks I felt uninspired in regards to my blog. I’ve put up at least one blog post every week for a year and now couldn’t find anything to write about. Nothing excited me. I decided to go on a run.
Stepping outside in my workout attire and starting to walk to warm up, I was overwhelmed with anxiety– it was like a huge wave came over me and I couldn’t breathe clearly. I had told my mom before I left to stay close to her phone, because I might need her to pick me up again like last time. The one thing on my mind was that pain that was sure to come.
Running up a hill to get to my favorite park. It wasn’t too busy this day. I ran on the track that goes alongside the spectacular view of my neighborhood. The sun was setting, transitioning from orange to pink. Lights in people’s homes began to turn on, making them look like little stars in a galaxy. Looking up, I could see the smallest sliver of a moon– such a beautiful sight. Beside it, a trail of a plane that looked orange from the colors in the sky. A breathtaking sight. This is why I love running here.
I ran my normal route. I ran up hills, made a loop on the track, and ran up another hill. Once I reached the top of the final hill, I stopped and almost started crying from joy. Running makes me so happy and elated, like my floating. Running also gives me an opportunity to listen to music, and think. I get most of my inspiration when running, and that’s why I love it so much.
Running has been something that I’ve been putting off because of fear, but that day, I ran in spite of it. I ran for my genuine love of running and just had to brace myself for the fall back that never came.